As our trip to Phuket gets closer I still wonder what glorious sights I am going to come across!... Today I open the newspaper and came across this! I don’t really understand why people would think piercing would cleanse the body, but I get it. What I don’t get is piercing your cheeks with pineapples!!!! I mean what kind of crazy fucked up person do you have to be to do this kind of shit? I hope this is well over by the time we get there!
On a good note though, I have been looking on the internet for weather forecasts and it has said thunder storms. If this was recent it looks fucking mint!
I know its not really funny as someone has actually died, but really!.. What are the chances of such an accident happening anywhere else in the world?? I know I would have continued to clap and thought it was part of the act if I was sitting there!
HOLY SHIT!!!.. I have to say one of the scariest things about going on this holiday was the thought of getting my jabs!.. I know to some people out there the thought of spending over 2 weeks with Little Miss Thornton could be quite scary, but over the years I have grown to accept Wendy for what she is, so I am no longer scared of her! Sure there might be the odd night when were down in the go go bars that she might jump up and join the nice ladyboys with piss down her leg cause she hasn’t been able to make it to the toilet, but that’s just one her good qualities!
Well anyway.. went to see the nice nurse last night and she drew up 2 mammoth syringes! No lollypops or stickers were given, but it wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it was going to be!.. Over and done with in 5 mins and I was out the door with my new fancy hepatitis in my arm and some other crap! She asked when the last time I had a tetanus which I seemed to recall was when I was in school… she brought up my records and I seem to have had quite a few in my adult years!.. Thinking back there have been a few occasions when I have woken up with cuts and splits and I have had to goto the hospital for a few stitches and jabs.. One night in the Pink Flamingo I run across the dance floor and fell and hit my chin.. I blame the home brew peach snaps, not the Buckfast!.. Little cousin Andrew tried to help me but the bouncers kicked me out and big sis took me to holpital in the morning.. then I was jokinly kicked off my chair in Chicago Rock in Boro by my mate Andrew… im seeing a connection here!!!Ended up with a split head and a shot then too!
Well that’s all for now.. jabs over and im still alive to tell the tale!
Well i thought it was about bloody time that i updated this blog thing! Afterall, it is now less than 6 weeks til' we're in Asia. Below is a picture of what a first class seat with Cathay Pacific Airlines looks like - oh how fantastic it will be to stretch out like that - there's nothing like a good sleep on a comfy bed to sleep off the drunkness in first class darling!!! I think we'll fit right in, i do!
Even though Wendy thinks I done something with the votes, I assure you all I did not tamper with them in any way, its just clear to say that we all think you are 100% going to piss yourself!
As if things were not bad enough I read this crazy shit in the papers this morning!! I heard that you can get arrested for spitting your chewing gum out on the street, but stealing a bar mat, that’s just wrong!
Its not like the bar mats really belong to the bar, I mean the punters pay for the alcohol which pays for the bat mats, glasses and ashtrays; along with the rest of the place! Its out right that we can take this stuff home as a souvenir! Who wants to go to the local souvenir store and pick up some ashtrays for presents to bring back home when you can lift a load from the local bars, wash them out in your hotel sink and wrap in some skid marked boxers for the journey home? It wasn’t even an ashtray, it was a beer mat!! I am beginning to fear that I will not make it out of Thailand without spending a day or two in jail.
I hope to fuck you don’t get done for pissing in the street or Wendy’s fucked. Although is pissing yourself in the street the same as taking down your pants and pissing.. you might be OK Wendy!
Ok, seriously though, just thought i'd update all our followers (i.e andrew the ninja) on progress to date. Asia Part 1 is Hong Kong for 2 nights: Asia Part 2 is Taiwan for 6 nights: Asia Part 3 is Phuket for 9 nights. I have this week managed to negotiate a good deal (i hope - exchange rates permitting) on the luxury 5-star Twin Palms Resort & Spa, Phuket. Looks lovely, doesn't it. Can't bleedin' wait for all of it - i bet the cocktails are yummy at that blue bar!
I was browsing away on the net today, when i happened to come across a picture of a particular haemmoroid remedy. What you might ask, does this have to do with our imminent travels to Asia - well, i guess nothing really, but something tells me that a certain travelling companion who is known to be prone to "anal grapes" will be stockpiling the Anusol Plus for inclusion in the suitcase. Oh how immensly funny would it be if the Anusol Plus was to "go missing" when one needed it the most..............
What a random load of bullocks! Wee cousin has requested some home comforts brought all the way from the sunny UK. I completely understand the Buckfast, but fuck sake; tomato puree… it’s a strange world we live in! I mean why the hell doesn’t Taiwan sell Buckfast and tomato puree????
This think is actually quite addictive; I don’t really have anything to write, I just thought I would put a wee picture on. I don’t really get what Wendy is worried about the drink for?!!? I mean look at this fine picture, does it not look like a bloke that can handle his drink and would be refused access to a lounge with free booze 3 hours prior to his flight? On a more serious note though this picture has put me off drink!! Not for life, so you never know in 178 days I could be up for a good old drink!!
Wendy doesn’t have a clue how to update this.. it could just be the voice of reasoning here that will be updating the blog!!! Only 179 days to go before we make an attempt to make it out of Heathrow’s free booze lounge never mind a 12 or 14 hour flight were again they will be throwing free drink at us!! I do not like the sounds of this as although I can control my alcohol intake I am a little worried about Wendy and her incapability to hold her own piss when she has had too much drink. Never mind the drugs and injections that are needed to visit this far off land, I think some Tenaladies or adult pampers are what’s needed!!! Don’t know if I will update daily, if Wendy gets the hang of it I promise it will get more exciting!!! (Garuth)
